In Jiu-Jitsu, the Distance Principle is one of the most essential survival tactics. Simply put, the right amount of distance determines your level of control in a fight. You’re vulnerable to strikes and submissions if you’re too close to an aggressive opponent without proper control. If you maintain too much distance without awareness, you give up positional advantage and leave yourself open to attacks.
This principle isn’t just for self-defense—it applies to life, especially when it comes to relationships. The people we allow into our inner circle have the power to build us up or tear us down. For example, in a physical confrontation, keeping the proper distance in friendships can mean the difference between peace and destruction.
Managing Distance in Relationships: Avoiding Toxic Friendships
Some people drain us emotionally, distract us from our purpose, or even lead us into harm. Just like a reckless opponent on the mats, they can put us in a vulnerable position without us realizing it—until it’s too late.
Signs You Need More Distance:
They Constantly Bring Drama – If a friend thrives on chaos, gossip, or conflict, keeping them close will pull you into unnecessary battles.
They Disrespect Boundaries – Like in Jiu-Jitsu, where maintaining control is key, a good friendship respects personal space, beliefs, and values.
They Drain Your Energy—Some people leave you feeling exhausted instead of encouraged. If every interaction feels like a battle, it may be time to create space.
They Discourage Growth – If someone mocks your faith, downplays your dreams, or constantly pushes you toward bad decisions, they don’t belong in your inner circle.
The Bible speaks clearly about guarding our associations: “Do not be misled: ‘Bad company corrupts good character.’” (1 Corinthians 15:33). Just as in a fight, being too close to the wrong person can cost you dearly.
Who You Gather Around the Campfire Matters
In survival, choosing the right people to share a campfire with is just as crucial as selecting the right people in life. Around that fire, you rely on each other for warmth, food, security, and wisdom. The wrong people can drain your resources, put you in danger, or lead you down the wrong path.
Three Types of People You Want at Your Campfire:
The Wise Mentor – Someone who has experience and can teach you, whether in survival skills or life.
The Reliable Friend – Someone who watches your back and contributes, rather than just taking.
The Encourager – Someone who lifts you up instead of dragging you down, keeping morale high in tough situations.
Three Types of People to Keep at a Distance:
The Self-Serving Opportunist – They take from the group but offer little in return, always looking for personal gain.
The Negativity Magnet – Complaining, doubting, and sowing discord, they bring down the morale of everyone around them.
The Reckless Instigator – They ignore wisdom, take unnecessary risks, and endanger the whole group.
Survival isn’t just about having the right gear—it’s about being with the right people. The ones you let close will determine whether your fire burns bright or is smothered in chaos.
Finding the Right Balance: When to Close the Gap and When to Step Back
Just like in Jiu-Jitsu, distance is about control. Sometimes, the best move is to step back and create space. Other times, when trust is earned and respect is mutual, we can close the gap and build strong, meaningful relationships.
How to Apply the Distance Principle in Life:
Create Boundaries – Protect your mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being by controlling how much access people have to you.
Stay Alert – As grapplers watch for openings, recognize subtle red flags in relationships.
Engage with Intent – When you invest in a friendship, do so wisely, just as you would with a training partner who helps you grow.
Know When to Walk Away – If someone consistently brings negativity, toxicity, or danger into your life, it’s time to step back.
Protecting Your Space for a Stronger Future
The Distance Principle isn’t about isolation—it’s about strategy. Just as in Jiu-Jitsu, where the proper spacing can protect you from attacks and position you for success, maintaining the proper distance in relationships allows you to thrive.
Jesus set boundaries, stepping away to pray, choosing His disciples carefully, and rebuking those who sought to pull Him off course. If the Son of God was intentional about who He kept close, how much more should we be?
So, take a moment to evaluate your relationships. Are there people you need to step back from? Are there trusted friends and mentors you need to draw closer to? Apply the Distance Principle, and surround yourself with those who make you stronger—on the mats, around the campfire, and in life.
An additional thought: Jesus often responded to those who opposed him with strong words and, at times, firm actions. He was a friend to those who lived humble, ordinary lives—the people he spent time with, taught, and served through both words and actions. Yet, in his final moments on the cross, he asked his father to forgive them, recognizing that they did not fully understand what they were doing. There is much to learn from these lessons in the Bible.
Another great article that applies to life in general and many different types of activities of our life.